A Dicey Situation
by Lornfaer
Summary: Hermione plus Draco plus magical sex dice. Dude, what's better than that? Don't answer that. I probably don't wanna know. By the way, as you have probably already deduced, this story is rated M for a reason. Don't like it, don't click the thing! Oneshot.


_**A Dicey Situation**_

_**by lornfaer for fatalxbeautee**_

**Is M for reason, peoples. No likey, no ready.**

**Btw, I don't know nothing. I mean, I don't OWN nothing. **

**Sorry. Wrong line.**

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His grey eyes glinted impishly as he slipped the package into his coat pocket. She was going to hex his dick off for sure, but maybe she'd let him play a little first. Even Hermione would have to admit that the magic used to make them was impressive and the work of a true genius. Granted, the brilliance of it may have been amplified in Draco's mind, as he was a man and men tend to think with the head between their legs.

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He waited until Hermione had settled on the couch with a book she'd read before to make his move.

"Hermione?" He coaxed her eyes from the book's pages to his face.

"Hmm?" Her eyebrows raised in question. Draco handed her the box, hand immediately going to the wand in his pocket in case defense was needed. Hermione's brows knitted together as she read the packaging and her face grew red. Her eyes would flit from the dice to his face, then quickly back again. "These are..." she trailed off bashfully. Draco moved to sit next to her.

"For play dice!" His eyes lit up at the possibilities and the fun to be had. His voice held a touch of excitement and he could feel his body react to the scenarios running through his mind.

Hermione scoffed. "That's an awful pun. Just awful." Draco's expression dampened a little, but she hadn't said no yet. "Is this what took you so long today? Because, these are nothing special. Even muggles use these."

Draco let out a frustrated sigh and snatched them from her. "I'll have you know, these are _magicked_ dice and they're _very _special." Hermione looked doubtful, so he elaborated. "When you roll _these _dice, the roller must do as the dice say." Hermione raised her eyebrows. "I mean, really must. The dice make you do it." Hermione's eyes dawned with comprehension, but when her expression darkened, Draco wasn't sure that was a good thing.

"So, basically, your willingness is irrelevant? You're stripped of your ability to say 'no?' These dice are like the Imperius curse for couples? Oh, yes Draco, I can see how that's appealing!" Hermione threw the dice at him and retreated to the bedroom. Draco flinched as the door slammed. He heaved a sigh and moved to the door. He knocked lightly. When he received a "Go away!" he rested his forehead against the door.

"They're for creativity, Hermione. Not rape." His face twisted in disgust. He may not have been the most honorable of wizards, but even he could not condone such savagery. Being so entrenched in his thoughts, he had to catch himself when she yanked open the door. Her eyes were glinting dangerously and he didn't have time to run to the table for his wand.

"All right, Draco, let's say I understand that. Would that not mean you think I'm not "creative" enough in bed?" Hermione advanced slowly. Draco stopped backing away and sneered. "Well, yes, actually. It would mean that, wouldn't it, Granger? You're very...vanilla." His answer threw her for a moment, but then her eyes narrowed and she shoved around him.

By the time he turned, she was already stomping towards him. The dice were in her left hand as her right grabbed his expensive tie to yank him forward. Her lips met his in a fierce kiss and his hands tangled in her hair. _'Fuck, yes.'_ Draco spun them around and backed her into the bedroom, kicking the door shut as they went. They tumbled onto the bed and the dice pressed into his back as Hermione held him to her. His lips and teeth found her neck, nipping and kissing as she caught her breath. Hermione pushed him away and held out the dice. Draco grinned triumphantly and tossed them on the bed. They settled and Hermione leaned to read them. "Touch..." she hesitated, "...breasts." Draco smirked and moved to comply, but just as he tried, his hands, of their own accord, moved to his belt and began undoing the buckle. He looked up at Hermione, who smirked mischievously at him. "Damn it Granger! That's not what they said, was it?" he asked, annoyed. She shook her head delightedly and watched as his hands pulled his impressive erection from his boxers. When Draco opened his mouth to say the counter-spell, Hermione stopped him with a finger to his lips. "Don't...I want to watch." He looked at her, irritated, to see if she was messing with him again, but her eyes never left his hand. Though it didn't feel half as good when he touched himself as when she did, he had to stifle a moan at the effect his hand was having. Hermione's breathing deepened a little as she stared and Draco could tell she was trying to control it. "Damn Granger. If I'd known jerking off turned you on..." Her head tilted up, lips pursed in annoyance. He smirked

"Your turn." He said, inclining his head in the dice's direction. Hermione nodded and picked them up, giving them a slightly distrustful look. "Go on. You're not afraid, are you?" Draco taunted and as he intended, she rolled.

Draco, not trusting her now, read them aloud. "Massage back." Draco frowned. What kind of foreplay was _that_? Hermione smirked and made a "turn over" motion with her hands. Draco sighed and did as she asked. She started to knead his back, but then pulled him up. He looked at her, puzzled, until she undid his tie and unbuttoned his shirt. He removed his pants the rest of the way when she looked at them pointedly. Hermione smiled and had him resettle on his stomach. Draco yelped when he felt something cold hit his back. He turned his head and Hermione showed him the little bottle of oil. He relaxed again, thinking that this might not be so bad after all. Hermione simply let the oil sit there, so he looked back at her and realized the hold up: she had shed all of her clothes as well. Draco smirked, reaching out to touch her, but a sharp slap to his hand had him pulling back. He pouted, pillowing his head on his arms. His pout quickly turned to an expression of lust when he felt Hermione press herself against his back and whisper in his ear. "Should I start at the upper or lower?" Draco shivered as her nipples hardened against his shoulder blades and replied. "Wherever you want." Hermione grinned devilishly and sat up. She moved to his side, rubbing the oil and kneading his muscles, which caused a low moan to escape Draco's lips. Hermione surveyed his visage appreciatively, loving the way his white-blonde bangs fell over his eyes, which had darkened from their normal silvery grey to stormy pools of liquid adamantium. She let her eyes wander a little and smirked, an idea springing to mind.

Draco moaned again as Hermione's hands worked magic, metaphorically speaking, on his lower back. His eyes had drifted shut and he was emitting a rumble from deep within his chest that could only be called a purr. Hermione giggled very quietly at that, not wanting him to stop. She leaned over him and kissed her way down his spine and Draco shivered. Her hands traveled lower and she began to knead his glutes. She smirked deviously and though Draco couldn't see her, he would have been proud. She bent and...his head whipped around as he stared at her incredulously. "You BIT me!" He accused. Hermione only smiled, kissing the nape of his neck. "Your roll, Draco." She murmured, scant inches from his face. He kissed her and grabbed the dice, mentally begging them to get him some real action soon. Draco rolled, leaning over to read them. A grin split across his face as he did, eyes brightening appreciatively. He pounced, pinning Hermione beneath him. His hands slid down to her chest, cupping her breasts loosely. His eyes followed and he leaned back for a less obstructed view. His thumb moved over her nipple and Hermione had to bite her lip to prevent a whimper from escaping. Draco frowned. He actually liked it better when she made noise. Well, he'd just have to fix that, now wouldn't he? Draco pinched both of her nipples lightly and they began to harden from his attentions. Hermione gasped as he rolled them between his thumb and index finger, her breathing getting heavier. Draco smirked and replaced his hand with his mouth and Hermione moaned appreciatively.

"Ah!" Hermione exclaimed when he bit her nipple lightly, eliciting another smirk from Draco. His hands had strayed from chest to her hips and he was teasingly running his fingers over her hipbones. Hermione's breath would hitch whenever he got close to actually touching her, but Draco deliberately avoided it, running his fingers down the inside of her thighs and the backs of her knees. By now Hermione was getting frustrated, completely wet and wanting. She sat up abruptly, grabbing Draco's face and kissing him savagely. Draco grinned against her mouth and picked up the dice, holding them out for her. She knocked them out of his hand and shoved him down.

"Bugger the dice." She growled, lips and teeth attacking his throat and neck.

"No, I'm quite satisfied with you for the moment." He replied, hands running down her back. Hermione pulled back to look at his face for a moment, confused, then her face broke into a grin as she chuckled. Draco pulled her down, rolling them so he was on top again. He nibbled and kissed his way from her chin to just behind her ear. "What do you want?" he breathed.

"You know what I want." Hermione tried to make her voice seductive, but she was blushing furiously, almost sure of what he wanted her to say.

"Tell me." Draco murmured, teeth grazing her earlobe. Hermione's breath hitched and she whispered. "Fuck me." Draco inhaled sharply and nodded. In one quick thrust, he entered her, eyes wide open to watch her face. Her eyes squeezed shut and her mouth formed a perfect "o" though no sound escaped. Their sweat-slicked bodies moved together in the darkness like a finely tuned engine. Hermione could tell when Draco was close, his breathing erratic and his rhythm faster. She pulled him to her, lips melding to his. She smiled against his lips and squeezed him within her. Draco's body went stiff and he jerked against her, crying out just as she did. He pulled out and collapsed beside her, vision graying. Hermione reached for her wand and cleaned them up tiredly. She turned her head to look at him and smiled. "For play dice. Huh. Who knew they would make a ferret good in bed." Draco's head whipped up and he gaped at her. His grey eyes narrowed as he pushed himself up. Hermione burst into laughter, tears forming in her eyes as he glared at her. "Why you little—" He pounced.

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Needless to say, neither Draco nor Hermione made it to work the next day.

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_**Finis.**_

**So, whatcha think? **

**Review, I vant to know zese tings!**

**Ahem...**

**Sorry.**

**Lorn**


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